. p h e r o x i a .

Smells of Brazen Breeze

2011-10-21T23:50:00.003+08:00

As usual, it's been a while since I last visited. Guess its nothing much out of the ordinary as there are only that many reasons why (I think) people blog. Obviously there are more, but I'm just in the mood to stereotype people.

1.) They are single

2.) They just broke up or going through a rough patch

3.) They are trying to sell their souls (i.e. make money) to/from bored people

4.) Attention deficit people

5.) People who are seriously passionate about something and actually provide a very insightful, inspiring or helpful read

For me, I just remembered I actually have a blog after visiting someone else's.

And the weather is chilly;

Which inevitably makes my mood go melancholic;

And as usual, melancholy usually directs me here.

Which has been a while, or rather I've been keeping myself pretty "organised" and having a very"routine-d" lifestyle.

But who cares. I'm out.

2010-02-10T09:57:00.006+08:00

...

. I don't get to write in here as much as I would like to .

. I've kind of shifted my attention to platforms in need of much less attention .

. I think ?

...

. I've cheated .

. I have a tumblr account .

. There, I said it .

. Hey, I can't totally write depression all the time if-you-know-what-I-mean .

...

. So for less emotionally depriving and denuding shit, I chisel myself at pheroxia.tumblr.com .

Ahh . . . The bliss of Honesty .

...

2009-11-16T16:01:00.002+08:00

The glum and grey come a-tapping ,

On the dust-filled cracks of my window sill ,

I hear you , the harsh earned tear and tears ,

A-drip and a-shudder ,

Across , in view , the mournful skies ,

In my eyes .

Of once , of twice , of thrice ,

The mulling and the killing ,

The worn and withered ,

Void of once lay ,

The thumping , knocking , yelping ,

Of my actual , real and war-torn ,

Heart .

2009-09-04T09:28:00.004+08:00

Of clamshelled stones as the current hits,

Knocking and so foresaid the lightning speaks,

Waving and wading,

The shimmering swords of the great blue,

Encrusts their everyready dagger sycophants,

To please and amuse, for distrust and doubt .

To lay admist them in their ploy of demolition,

And to scatter to shun the incitement,

A yearning gasp unleashed, long and overdue

It awakens to bethinks its' presence .

The chaw of rage nips at the feet of fury,

In this absinthal state of cloying discourse.

I know,

The intensities constants the lethargy,

Lethargy of the habitual opulence,

Leavens the creed of your spasmodic nod .

Not the stone, but the shell .

2009-05-08T13:32:00.001+08:00

2009-04-27T10:35:00.003+08:00

Sparkle as the tinsle crown blazes from your eyes ,

Gaiety, to be celebrated in our slumber .

Along with the scintillation of your sole sweat ,

The taste of blitheness from it , escalates the purity of It .

It,

the Something I think I know ,

It,

the Something I think I knew ,

It,

A chance still there ?

Could it possibly ?

. . .

The bliss of which has been choking , strangling , fastened , and

Stuck still in the back of my throat to ward all off ,

Is once again, out on my guileless and guideless hands ,

To let go ,

Let see ,

and let happen ?

. . .

Chuckle as my murrhine walls drip of coy tears and expired brume ,

I shudder at the anticipation of a cheerful carnage ,

Carnage of yet, another warm beating still .

Served .

. . .

Maybe ,

Just maybe ,

. . .

Are you there ?

Do you hear me a-calling ,

hope ?

2009-04-21T17:11:00.004+08:00

Smother the blades of the moon ,

And wallow in the craters of grass .

Come indulge your inquisitive fluff ,

Of burnt sage, and a forest of bygones .

I'll show you the way and sew up your heart ,

As the distorted lights move in .

Click your heels to get the devils in line ,

And applaud that reality's just the accumulation of omnious prophecies come to life .

O.R. is served with a little copypasta

2009-03-23T20:28:00.001+08:00

I lay my faith here, on the bitter pathway ,

Of where those dirty. defiled . tripping minions ,

pranced and danced the dance of vile .

In hopes that the skein of a heart left by their filth ,

Shall one day be unsullied by the purest of breaths ,

The deepest of heart , the loudest of passion .

Where are you, oh beauty that shuns all unpure ?

How shall I seek, to beg for the curse of an innocent ?

Why should I be blessed with the blood on my hands ?

The spotless blood of . .

Me .

2009-02-19T15:57:00.010+08:00

thou shalt not follow the queering voices of Nether .

the black hole . absence . truancy . and more void within .

it's emptiness longs fervency . it's desolation entices the curious .

they're alluring forces of the greatest . enchantment of the wrong kind .

insinuating and invasive . evocative and intorently redolent .

sweet aughts of your fiend will tingle the blind taste of reminescence .

the wistful wickedly lusts unconscious hope .

drawing on . drawing near . drawing close .

almost too close . Too close, maybe, for comfort .

nothing is there . and nothing will ever be .

lusting for the abyss ?

extrication, your best bet .

Hope for life, i would suggest .

the black hole i know as my Mind, beckons .

2009-02-03T10:52:00.002+08:00

Gape as the fangs of a fairy taste you .

Seethe my friend , for it is it's dirty eyes which hurt you .

Swallow your pride, as the bitter pill of pique excites you .

Bite it, that atramentaceous tongue who stole your soul .

Come now, eyes to the back of your crown.

Stellar awaits .

2009-01-26T14:56:00.003+08:00

In due time, I will let you crawl the the wells of my heart and bury the blades deep within .

Mourn not as fragments of stone and sparks impales your skin and sets me to, The Opaque .

The introitus Ether .

The intervented Abstruse .

The enigmatic Plague .

Far away in the burning forest of bygones and black winter roses ,

I shall tap my shoes to the dance of the imps .

Put the poison pill to my ear, and .

Sovereign the explicit somberness of me and a deathly blood sucking dove .

And to you too, Bane .

2009-01-19T14:21:00.003+08:00

I will predure with the nihility of it all .

I want to .

I need to .

Kiss the lipless .

Love the lackadaisical .

Chase the chasms .

Loll in annihilation .

and then .

Venerate in the voidance .

Aftermath .

Ahh .

2009-01-15T10:02:00.001+08:00

Cradle the scabrous murrhine well, will I .

Scintillate the palest muave, will my molten eyes .

But pity, not my pith . nor my gist .

Crippled to nothingness .

2009-01-12T10:53:00.002+08:00

I will bow,

Toward the broken grass of my quintessence .

There, mighty myriads leave their trail .

Trace .

Scent .

2009-01-09T09:48:00.002+08:00

I shall let my silver shadow play drown,

In the river of pother tonight ,

on your rufous specked empyrean .

irridiction

2007-08-11T23:56:00.004+08:00

yeah i don't know what it means either.. this word keeps popping up in my head for the last hour.. hold on a mom and let me wiki it and see if it actually exists.. *wiki-ing* well, good news and bad news. bad news ALways first.. there is NO such word as irridiction.. surprise surprise.. and the GOod news is that the closest to it is irridiation. meaning?

ir·ra·di·a·tion [i-rey-dee-ey-shuhn]

–noun

1.the act of irradiating.

2.the state of being irradiated.

3.intellectual or spiritual enlightenment.

4.a ray of light; beam.

5.Optics. the apparent enlargement of an object when seen against a dark background.

6.the use of x-rays or other forms of radiation for the treatment of disease, the making of x-ray photographs, the manufacture of vitamin D, etc.

7.Exposure or the process of exposure to x-rays or other radiation.

hmm... why good news? maybe because of meaning number 3 and 4... or maybe number 2.. which might mean i got cancer and am gonna die soon.. hmm.. sounds appealing, yum. quite contradicting to my liking for meaning number 1 and 2 right. well, i think i'm hoping for meaning 2 and 3 but right now, i'm pretty much hoping for number 2.

i havent actually blogged for 2 years ++ now. well, i guess i can say thats the amount of time that i havent been fucked up. well, since i'm back here again means i'm fucked up again. i read my last post and i can so remember those times. again again again and again. such a cycle that i adore and despise so much.

usher's burn is playing on my radioblogclub line up again. just like those time with him. those nights waiting and wondering. those times where i fucked up another poor soul and another awaiting. reminiscence. haih.. deja vu. again. hah.. confessions part 2 on now.. haha..i'm feeling those times again. i think my friend would more than know what. everything that's good in my life goes crash boom bang by my own hands.

to be continued. dota first.

. . . . . .

its the day after actually.. am i'm in betweemn

2006-10-16T16:39:00.002+08:00

A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave.

The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1 student should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to Primary 3."

The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?"

Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I? (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)

Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I?

Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." What am I?

Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put this ass in Primary 6! I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself."

wtf?!!?!?!?!

2006-03-01T19:03:00.002+08:00

hey there again...

i'm here sitting alone in the dark of a gloomy, rainy evening. i've just realised that... I'M BECOMING MORE N MORE OF A BIMBO!!!

haha, honest. i think i've been calling myself a bimbo so much that i've unconsciously turn into one... a full blown one. haha again.

i realise that i'm talking more n more nonsense i.e. of things that my "normal" peer group probably can't ever relate or probably don't even give a fuck about i.e. work stuff i.e. airline stuff.

why am i presuming that everyone would know what the hell i'm talking about or even have any interest at all for that matter.

the worst part is i can't really seem to think of any other topic to talk about without

a) thinking bout it... i.e. REALLY think...

b) drifting the convervation back to work i.e. suddenly talk bout something that happened at work.

what the hell is happening?!?!?! argh!!!! if i were that other person i'd probably let them KNOW that I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!!!

oh well, i guess this just proves how damn lucky i am because i have the greatest friends in the whole wide world! though i honestly really can't say the same for myself. i think i'm a horrible, horrible friend.

Thanks so much for everything jo, char, and mun hon. where n what would i be without you guys.

Thanks for putting up with all the shit u guys put up with from me.

Thanks for all the support all these years no matter what

I wish i knew how to show my appreciation moreand

Love u guys much (though i know i piss the shit outta u guys!)

cheers to the greatest freinds in the world!

high flyin life... or so?

2006-02-12T21:36:00.009+08:00

hey there. long time no see... yeah yeah i know, heard it a million times already! the last just 2 hours ago. some ppl have to work ya know, i.e me! how's flying u ask? well, same question everytime n same answer for u guys too... like that la, same shit, different day, different place! no work means no money, no money means no going out, no going out means no life... and so far, i still dread to fly... so that's why havent been seeing alot of u guys often la... vicious cycle... fly also cannot, dont fly also cannot... haih... haha. how life is sometimes. dont get me wrong, its not that i hate my job, i actually quite like it. i guess i could say that i would be one of the few ppl in this world, or safer to say this country for that matter, who actually loves their job. i honestly like how simple the job is and am amazed at how well ppl can complicate it up for u. i like meeting all sorts of ppl and cant get enough of how amazingly weird and colourful their life stories and tales are. honest. it quenches n feeds to my thrist of "pat"ness just fine. and i'm not talking about the passengers, it's the crew themselves. it's like hearing it first hand from soap opera characters... but that's only on the better days. sometimes u get crew who just cant talking bout how much they know n how great they are n just tries to boss whoever they can around. argh, those bitchy ones, cant take that shit. then there's the quiet, timid n shy type. sometimes u just wonder why they join the airlines. ask them a sentence n they answer with just a word or less. or worst, the ones who just ignores u. now those arent the shy timid ones. they, these ones, are those who think themselves as goddess or so. too posh to talk to u, act like they know everything and everybody else doesnt. next we come to the guys. two types. the stewards, n stewardees. =) yeah, there arent just stewardess n stewards. there's also the many stewardees. - men with a great sense of humour, great manners, great grooming, great intuition n most importantly, great liking for men. haha. yeah, THEM. they're great companions, honest. lotsa stories,lotsa advice about everything under the sun especially bout beauty stuff. i really, REALLY give it to them. beauty gurus haha. and they really do go all out to get the men they want. first hand experience. spots a guy, think he's cute, comes n tells us all about it, we go out n check him out, give approval, he goes n gives the target some goodies n watch for reaction, if ok, approaches and askes where he's from chats, wait for reaction again, comes behind all excited n dancing around, get a piece of paper, writes his number on it, passes it to the target n askes for his too. wohla, kao tim. =) i think many of us girls should start taking lessons on how to pick up men from them. n these men they pick up aint minging. some of them look pretty good. they have taste. oh well, time to pak toh again. more stories when i feel like it. =)

depression...

2005-10-10T16:31:00.007+08:00

i dont understand. the skies seem greyer these days. the water seems rougher. the weather more unpredictable. the ppl more annoying. the animals less cuddly. the fishes less calming. i am feeling so melancholic these days. i've lost my sense of optimism. i'm blinded from the light of the sun i cant remember when i've last seen. i'm freezing from the moonlight i can't avoid but seem to grow fonder of. i seem to be loosing the patience for those who need and deserve it but seem to have nurtured more empathy for those who have totally nothing to do with me or anything in my life. there's so many brown leaves, everywhere. where are the greens? how do i clear this mess? where do i put all the old and rotten? how do u treat ur own backache? how do u get rid of baggage? how do u stop all this from getting worse? why is everything getting worse? is this a test from god? is there something in all this rubble that he wants u to find? is there something good awaiting? or is all this the consequences from all those times where i was too weak and gave into satan's whispers. yes. those thoughts i can remember so clearly and of course, his very powerful power of suggestion. i entertain them so much i feel it's a part of me. part of my personality. just plain simple me. the part of me which makes me feel so strong. so powerful. so clear. so untouchable. so unbreakable. so... numb. i feel nothing can scathe me. that's cause i don't and can't feel. at all. i think i do, maybe for all those poor lil furry animals getting hit by vehicles or end up in the cooking pot. but where does all this sympathy come from? how can a cold cold heart feel such warm, charming thoughts? how do u fight back? how do u pick urself up from all this rubble? how do u clear this debris? a thought at the back of my mind tells me i need help. but i bite my tounge at the thought of that. i sometimes wish it will bleed. bleed n bleed til i probably die or something. ahh... the thought of death. i know i shut u up when u talk of it. but i am comfortable with it but just not of yours. i do think of my own death too. many a times. i picture my funeral cold. wet. and deserted. no one in sight. at all. i sometimes wish that i would just incenerate.

there's only one reason why i regret everything i've just said. and the only that makes me kick myself in the ass for having all these ever regrettable consistant toughts. it is today last year. the rebirth of me. thanks to one particular person. the one who warmed my heart, opened my mind, freed my soul. and i thank god for sending me his angel in disguise.

jampacked n full of shit

2005-10-05T17:42:00.003+08:00

me i mean. litterally. i'm sitting here in an internet cafe as usual cause i dont have one of those fancy foldable gadgets nor those boxy space consuming stuff i.e laptops & pcs'. i was 10 minutes late for a class i could barely understand thanks to 2 heavily accented german ladies who were btw quite hot. good thing they were cancer wanting ppl cause that gives us a chance to join them every hour too. was hungry so i tried to squeeze my brunch in a ciggie break too which left me late again and missed out more barely understandable germglish. btw, i just made that word up. anyway, after about another hour or so, we got our lunch breack which was approximately 11.30... so much for jamming mouthfuls of beehoon goreng into my over groomed face as fast as a homeless grabs your half empty stylerene bla bla dunno how to spell boxes in to the bin... nehh, those white tarpau boxes which is bad for the enviroment wan... anyways, moving on... was yet again late for class which we're supposedly gonna have a "test". fyi, in this "test", we get to open our little manuals which consists half german n half english in very small fonts, but that's fine... and we get to ask each other for the answers n walk around helping others with their answer sheets. class / "work" ended at 2pm. yeah, u better stick ur fingers tighter together to contain the stuff that's commin outta ya puny lil mouth now.

i think the haze haze is getting to me

2005-08-10T21:00:00.005+08:00

hey there,

i'm in a funny mood today.

nothing particulary bad or good happened today.

i neither feel sad nor happy.

i'm not really tired but not energetic either.

i don't feel down or up.

i feel like nothing's really clear but it's not blur.

i'm not jaded but not not jaded either.

i don't feel as optimistic as i normally do but i'm not pesimistic either.

why do i not feel myself today?

why do i have these days?

why do have so many questions but no answers?

why do i have so many questions?

why do i want to know everything?

do i really want to know the answer to everything?

can i take and accept the answer to everything?

is it better to know or not?

to know is to hurt

truth often hurts

to ignore is to be ignorant

ignorance is bliss

which is the better of these two evils?

sometimes i see what not to see

sometimes i can't see what to see

sometimes i feel what i should not

sometimes i feel not what i should

sometimes emotions blinds me

sometimes i blind emotions

sometimes i do what is needn't

sometimes i don't do what is needed

sometimes what seems right is wrong

sometimes the wrong is actually right

sometimes i say what i don't mean

sometimes i don't say what i mean

sometimes i take what i shouldn't

sometimes i should take what i don't

lalalalallalalallala

good night.

thought my blog would've been de-activated by now... but hey! haha... here goes!!!!

2005-06-05T15:34:00.001+08:00

hello fellow homosapiens who so happen used to read my shit and have not for quite some time cause the writer was too busy (actually lazy too... ) to get down to bringing her fingers to the finger gym also know as the keyboard. =)

it's been quite a while dear friends and so, so much has so, so happened for the past few months of my life... i just came back last night from kunming, china and denpasar, indonesia the previous day... my first 2 flights on training... tiring shit man. well after suffering for the past 3 povertious (dunno whether got such word or not hehe) month surviving (well at least trying to... and thanks a tonne and more to those beloved who have helped me out so much, love ya!) on a mere 713 bucks after the epf and socso cut, i've finally started doing what i've been scraping through for. flying. hmm...

honestly, my first fair description on it would be, ermm... a moving restaurant which serves tasteless food (for economy class) and slightly more variety of tasteless food (for business class), and the ppl who eat can't complain or get out of their seats (unless to the loo, la) haha.... ok la, the satay's quite good... honestly. even after comparing to the so called famous kajangsatay... coming from someone who used to live there. =) well, it ain't that bad la for the kind of money ya getting (though i have yet to see any of it) , basic's like shit but allowances are quite good depending on your roster. overall pay is good for malaysian standards but comparing to other airlines on an international level, it's a different ball game la, and we're in the junior league. =) anyway, it doesn't bother me that much as long as i have enough to eat, sleep and drive around. =) oh, and pay for my handphone bill... trust me, it's not little. =O overall i would say i'm happy doing what i'm doing and feel good bout it cause i know many out there would like to say and feel the same. training on ground for the past 3 months has actually taught and polished me up quite a fair bit. i would say it's knoweledge which is a nice to know, not a need to, but good all the same. never know when it might come in handy. which reminds me...

i went to guardian the other day to get a toothbrush. read "JUST A TOOTHBRUSH". i ended up spending 160 buck there. what? how? why? i can't answer. after i paid and did my stuff, la di da, went back home, and slowly opened up my new found treasures. hmmm.... toothbrushes... tooth whitening toothpaste... bath wash... make up remover... shampoo... tongue cleaner... travel set of j&j facial care... u know, cleanser, toner n moisturizer (in really, really cute tiny bottles)... travel toothbrush... and stuff i can't remember anymore... but the thing is ah...

i bought 3 toothbrushes, fair enough it came in a buy 2 free 1 pack... same for the 2 bath wash and the ear stick thingies for cleaning ur ears, and the facial cotton things too. but i still have 2 half full bottles of shampoos, and i bought another one for the only reason it came with free travel size bottle of shampoo... and i bought 3 travel tootbrushes, cause the cashier said if i bought another one, i'll get one more free, and the travel pack cleanser cause it was cute... hmph... could it be that very typical female natural ability and "gift" of overspending on useless and unnessesary stuff? oh damn... and i thought i was lucky, born without such instincts. well, i guess no one would blame me cause i'm born with out a dick and people would say it's only normal.... =) well, there goes the times where i could proudly beg to differ but then again, i can proudly proclaim now that i've "matured" and finally,

"I'M A REAL WOMAN NOW... " =)

cheers all. =)

hmmm

2005-02-12T19:58:00.001+08:00

i'm here in jo's place since god knows when with nothing to do but stare at each other's boobs and play around wit it a little but after some time i realise it's not fair cos i got too much to play and she has to nothing to... -_-

anyway, sorry lar, i no time to update this shit cos i've been like so damn fucking busy ler... u can tell from the amount of pix i've been uploading in my multiply account.

anyway, ky's here and jo just had her bath and i'm going to take mine now cos we're gonna go n catch constatine in mv. well hope your holidays arent as good as mine... =p

well, i just got a comment from ky cos i guess he heard me double pressing the enter button... guess paragraphing is better for the good of my dear friends... =) see how i love u guys...

anyways, i'll be starting my training on the 21st of feb (this month, in case u've been stuck in front of your for way too long.. =p )

hehe... how's my paragraphing skills going on? see?! i learn fast! =p

anyway, i'll find a day to really unload my shit cos there's been quite a lot of shit built up... i've written a few pieces about some bizarre shit that has happened. =)

hang in there... consider this as a teaser hehe... =P

well, til then, keep on buggin me with ur comments till my asshole finally blows open and release it here hehe.

this was supposed to be a really short post to say "hi and i'll be back" but just look... i'm just too full of shit... summore supposed to get to mv asap cause couldnt book tickets!

okok! ciao now! lotsa hugs kissies n farts! =p phutttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

need to pee...

2005-01-17T20:47:00.002+08:00

when i finally got down to starting this thing, i need to go piss... damn. lazy lar... i'll just hold it til i cant hold it no more hehe... doesnt help that it's freaking cold here. anyway... big apologies to my beloved blog "followers" and their consistant reminders to update my shit hole. =) hmm... i really wanted to make time to do this thing up but everytime i try to, i end up spending too much time on my other stuff like the silly friendster,multiply and email accounts, not to mention constant pop up chat screens. haihs... i think i really need to cut those crap before i can like really concentrate on this shit... there's like 2 yellow highlighted chatscreens at the bottom of my screen waiting for me to click it open to read n reply but i just feel to damn lazy to take my hand off the keyboard and move the freaking mouse. but i can do that to turn up the volume of my headphones cos livehouse is on launhcast with my fav song hangin by a moment... i'm standing here til u make me move... lalalala... hold on... think better give face to my 2 fellow msn-ers... hmmm... back.. still feel like peeing and still feeling too lazy to go... saw my baby bro wan online too... he just finished class... n got to rush his assignment... poor thing...

anyway, i think alot has happened since the last time i've been in here... let's start wit the medical check up thingie... well, after i drove to mandy's place at like 7 in the morning, woke her up from bed and made her pee into the lil plastic thing, took a tub of choc biscuits and kicked (not literally lar) her back into bed... i drove all the way back to subang in quite a stoned state... hey no artificial simulants were involved ok... =p i reached the office at about 8 a.m after a very slow and boring drive... i nearly fell asleep on the wheel damn it! it's been quite a while since that has happened. i think the last time was... ermm... god knows which job... it all seems quite a blur now haha... anyway, getting back to my story, i reached there at like 8 in the morning and i din know which block i was supposed to cos the place is not tiny k... so i just followed the visitor parking signboards and took me to the other end of the place... like right inside, thought it was already visitor parking so i parked into the nearest empty space i could see and nicely took a nap inside hehe. yeah i can sleep just about anywhere, anytime, anyhow. =) the alarm went off bout 8.30 but i only got my ass up bout 9 when a woman came up to my car and frantically knocked on my window telling me that i've parked on the head of counters parking and someone has parked behind me. oh great, just what i needed when i'm like having lack of sleep and carrying ppl's pee in my bag for not very good reasons, a haggered looking round plump woman who thinks she's prolly still in the cabin crew or something yelling at me with her OTT make up and stinky stench of cheap perfume. doesnt help either when my freaking car's stuck and inbetween a lil clift and a car who's owner probably isnt very pleased that ive taken his lot which he prolly worked his ass off for. damn i'm gonna have a bad day. went around the place trying to find the stupid place and finally a nice lil short malay woman offered to take me there via a staff's shortcut... hehe... she reminds me of my science teacher whom i cant recall her name... anyway, i was quite worried of how i'm gonna switch the pee n stuff cos i din know how they wanted it but the first thing they told me when i reached there was to take a paper cup and go to the toilet outside... i think an instant smirk came onto my face. happily i went to take the stuff and tried to hold myself from literally skipping to the ladies', did my transfer shit trying to make it as quiet as possible cos there's other chicks there n i wouldnt want them to know what i was up to wud i... =) went to pass it and sat down calmly quite pleased with myself hehe. the freaking thing took like agessss as usual... i think we finished bout 1/2 p.m. man... had to go to the kelana medical centre to do the x-rays n stuff... gawd they're so inefficient and slow. i think i pretty well aced my med check cos i din have to do anything twice unlike the others... they had to pee again cos they had too much period in it and stuff haha... and then one of them sponsered her pee to another gal whose pee got rejected! damn i had to go thru so much shit. shud've just arrived there begging for pee. argh. hehe. anyways, overall i think it went thru alright... even though i had a million and one hickies around the upper half of my body when i stripped for the doc interview! hahaha. i'm gotten quite close to one of the chicks there though... her name's imee and i think she's quite a brat in some ways. she had a driver drive her there in a waja but she's quite cute in a way with her lil malay slang-ish shrieks hehe. and she's ever so paranoidal. if that's how u spell it... she's called and msged me like a zillion times to see whether mas has called back n shit but it's all good. especially when i got to know she's a stoner chick too haha! yeah, she call me up on her med check up and asked me for some clean pee haha! hey! clean pee on demand! any donations?! =p anyways, no way i'm gonna go down to cheras for another tub from mandy and there's prolly not enuff time anyway! lucky for my beloved ah tien who lives just around the corner was available right on call so i just brought her over to the place to pee haha. thank god for good, normal and healthy friends hehe. it was funny when the nurse asked imee whether she's been taking alot of supplements cos it had nearly too much vitamin contents in it cause right before that, tien was commenting on how her pee looks just like the orange vitamin drink her bf's been making her drink hehehehe... dont think they called her back to get more pee cos she didnt asked or tell me bout it.

anyways, i really need to pee now cos i can just feel my pussy clenching up and using any and every muscle around the pelvic and vaginal area to hold it back from just bursting out of my pants and drip onto the floor.

adios and kisses from a person who'll prolly die from an overflow of piss or bladder outburst (whichever u think makes more sense) cos she's just too damn fucking lazy to just give a fuck. well not this time so save the bye bye's for next time... =)

whooopee dooo and off to the loo!

pee! pleeeease!

2004-12-28T05:26:00.001+08:00

hewwo here i am back again... yeah i know it's kinda quick for my standards haha. =) oh well, whatevaaaa... hmmm... anyways, i'm here once again at wan wan's place... he's sleeping 2 or 3 feet away, BUT is NOT snoring YET haha. what an acheivement! =p still luv ya bro! =) just came from lynettes' after i couldn't pass her sister joy's offer to watch a sad, sad, tearfalling, sappy soppy sobby or whatever korean movie. man i havent cried like that for ages haha. the movie's called "windstruck". really nice movie to watch especially when u really like put urself into the tv or movie sort of thing. really made me cry like a... ermm... baby? but then again, i am a cry baby. i can cry watching an ad haha. but i do laugh easily too! =)

anyways... what am i doing here again at cheng wan's u might wonder? no, dont worry. i'm not a pe-do-fil (dunno how to spell lar) nor am i into incest. =) i'm here waiting til it's 6 something so that i can go to mandy's place and wake her up and get her pee, and let her get back to sleep again... yes, u heard me right. pee as in pee pee, wee wee, shee shee or just urine hehe. =) yeah, i got a medical check up later at 9 so that's where it's going hehe. no, not for drinking or any other purposes which might have to do with me. =) why i need the pee? guess lar... cos i just got my period so i don't wanna be embarrassed when i bring the pee out with bits of blood in it... =) hehe... duh. if u really believed that then a pat on ur back now for ur good perception of me. thanks! =)) anyway, i like just only got the container to keep it not too long ago, as usual, last minute... oh ya.. got to thank her for looking and getting it for me... THANKS LYNETTE!!! ur a sweetie! muacks! =) she got a perfect container for me... it's like the little plastic ones u can keep sauce in it.. like chicken rice's chilli sauce or something... so it'll be much easier for mandy to pee inside haha. okok.. stop scringing ur face... i know it sounds digusting. =) oh well, wish me luck that i'll get away with it!!! =) thanks. hehe.

i was quite very happy today...

..................

anyway, there's one thing that's been skipping around this pea brain of mine for quite a while. i've finally gotten down to pinning it down. it's actually when ur in a state where u kinda of having something that makes u happy but u dont it want fully... the thing is, why wouldnt someone want all of something that makes them happy? hmmm.. maybe it's because u know u can lose it anytime, maybe cos u dont know what will happen next, maybe it's the moments which ur afraid would be different, maybe ur just too selfish or even maybe just too generous? haha. but then again, it's just me. i guess i like to see it in a way that i like the thrill of not getting enough grip, excitement of the unknown, pleasures of the moment , enjoyment at no expense or maybe just not selfish enough to want it for me and only me alone. well, maybe it's just for now, maybe it's not. dont know and dont wanna know. as usual, life going with the flow. haha. yay! i finally got it out in a more understandable way. i like blogs man. i always seem to have a problem getting out shit that's going thru my black hole and being able to erase, edit and alter really helps alot. hehe.

btw, did u notice that the fonts r in the colour of pee? ermm... well at least MY pee... hehe.

oh, cheng wan's started to snore already... yay! at least i dont have to worry bout falling asleep haha! it's 5.41am on wan's computer clock... got a lil while more to go. guess i'll leave to mandy's at 6.30 or so... scared jam jam lar.

anyway,

wrist's painful liao.

on d second day of x'mas...

2004-12-26T15:35:00.001+08:00

well well... what have we here.... ermmm... me and a pc in cheng wan's hse on the second day of christmas and/or boxing day... a beer by my side, usher's burn on my launchcast, finally got to loading the good shit from my pen drive onto my multiply account and ermmm... cheng wan snoring a feet or two away... aik! oh well better than being home alone again pratically trying to memorise each and every channel on astro. anyways, i just learnt a new word today... jiwang... totally had no farking idea what it meant cos cwan cant even come close to explaining what it means... all he gave me was this kesian cham-cham doe-eyed look and he though one of us taught him that haha. finally got lucas to do the explanation. ahem... here it is...

jiwang dot dot : nostalgic in a romantic way.

ohh... how sweet is that. instantly hooked onto it. could say very near to what i'm feeling right now. haih... a pretty good but bad feeling. not supposed to but dont care. unexpected but excited, not according to plan but dont give a shit... or at least trying not to... whatever... RoX JiWaNg!!!

been having lil self discovery thoughts going thru my head recently. cant help realising that i unconciously and unintentionally always put myself on the edge time and time again. why? why? why? constantly skips through my lil pea brain and cos it's so small it comes by more often. the question i mean. damn. i've got like lil debates going on thru my head which goes like " oh! u like thrills" or "u always need to be hanging on the edge of the cliff... it's ok! it's just u!" hmm... sounds almost coo-coo huh. yeah i prolly am. and these lil debates most of the time end up giving me reason to keep doing shit and that's prolly why my life has always been, is still and i think will always be... shit... unless maybe a miracle happens which i'm not sure whether i want it to or would let it happpen or not.

arrgh... currently my mind's overflowing with these footsteps of random thoughts which i cant say are good or bad. it honestly is just random... as in random, random. no particular meaning or direction. not an evil, nor holy thing. not for anyone, nor myself. not for the future, nor present, nor past. not for the better, nor worse. not for anything at all... i think. i think i think too much... correction : i know i think too much. i really cant help it. everything that goes on around me seems to be amplified from all angles. i think my problems is i think of too many reasons for a particular thing whether it's something someone said or something someone did... i tend to automatically think like why did the person say or do that. does it mean exactly as it goes? are there any other meanings to it? any signs of insincerity? then my mind starts coming up wit scenarios and situations to why it came to that. i try many times not to let it take over but sometimes i guess i'm not chilled enuff to handle it... for now, but i know i'll get over it one day... i guess it'll be when i realise there's a good enuff reason to or not to... or whateva...

ARGH! i think that's enuff for now from my black hole. my back's feeling a lil lighter already now haha. i know i prolly sound quite melancholic today but dont get me wrong. i'm think and know that i'm honestly a pretty happy person from the inside to out. i think i'm truly happier than alot of ppl i know and prolly dont know. haha. whatever.

i'll prolly get round to that some other time. adios. wan wan waking up liao and matt bugging us to pick him up to makan. YAY! nice song on now... abit overplayed but anyway, still good... "i dont mind spending everyday, out on the corner in the pouring rain... " yeah...

last call, usher's burn to a certain someone out there.

and also hopefully for someone else to another too. =)

dont bother trying to figure haha.

finally!

2004-12-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

haih... i finaaaaaaaaaaly got myself here again after many tries and attempts... hey! i did try ok so quit bugging me! hehehe... =) it's all good... din know i was thaaat hot... =p *perasaning* hahaha... anyway, there's quite alot of shit that's on this lil stinky shit brain of mine. i really dunno which to put in ur face. i'm msn-ing wit cheng wan (my beloved bro) now and he just said write everything. haih... but u know me lar... just the purest form of malasness. he says he's bored, so i asked him to do his blog also instead of just waiting for mine. then he said he's got nothing interesting to say cos he's not doing anything... well, does it really have to be interesting wan meh. r we like supposed to like impress and make sure ppl hack ur crap? hmmm... but i thought it's supposed to be like ur new-age diary or journal or whatever, where u just say whatever crap u want to, for sanity/emotional/mental or whatever other reasons. well, this is what i blog for, to release shit, or in better words... release tension lar. it sure is less tiring than writing, less painful then "kuk"ing ur shit out especially when ur piles like just went back to it's den... =) takes less time than letting it out at mamak and saves more of your life too cos u take less sugar and nicotine! (well, in my case lar cos i gotta rely on cafes'... poor me!) anyway, my point is, i think u shud do whatever a diary/journal is meant for, saying whatever shit u wan to and not giving a damn whoever fucking sees it. =) well sue me. i honestly think the whole of the above is just a load pathetic crap. except for my bro lar... =) muacks! haih... i also dunno what the hell i'm supposed to be getting at... whatever lar... i just felt i needed to put at least a lil,lil something here cos i did kinda actually, ermm... feel guilty?! ahaha... that's funny, i hardly feel guilty in my life and here i am feeling guity to an inanimate piece of konon high tech, new age, IT bunch of bolox. haha. this is like my asshole, where my shit is supposed 2 come out from and onto something else... other than jo and char lar, hehe... love u guys! well, anyway, as i was saying, u gotta like take care of your asshole cos if not, ur gonna suffer man! i honestly learnt it the hard way haha... no, not anal. sucks when shit cant come out man... i guess it's the same for alot of the other parts of your body... mind lar, heart lar, balls lar, bla bla bla...

phasing out...

mind suddenly blank.

oh well...

2004-11-18T20:01:00.001+08:00

i guess since i've got like 2 comments here, my blogging ain't that bad! haha... i would half congratulate myself for a good job... =) hey laj, forgive me lar... i din mean to copycat ppl wan... but u know i'm just full of shit so obviously the first thing that comes to my mind on a blank piece of thing is SHIT lar... hahaha... haih... anyways, i can't remember a thing i wrote previously so i guess i'll write what's on my mind now... lemme see... have to think... actually no need to think also... kena kutuk like right here, right now by the person just mentioned. =( but as my usual self i don't give a shit (also cos i'm just full of it) i guess i deserve my fair share of insults from ppl as i give out... it's actually quite a nice past time u know... i mean insulting ppl to the ground... it actually takes alot of talent and skill! honest! haha. first rule. u gotta know who to and not to insult. not everyone can hack this kinda shit and before u know it, u'll be having a perang dingin and a friend lost. but on the other hand, some ppl really deserve it and it really doesn't matter whether they're around or not. i just really cant stand ppl who think they're all that. it really gives me pleasure to shove it up their face and see their faces turn to hard shit colour - black. haha. then the joy begins. they try to save whatever ego they have left and try to get the rest back from u by coming back with more 'impressive' kok tok... haha. then u take them down again and again. sweet. then they'll come to a point where they're just empty? angry? bitter? i dunno what they feel then... haven't been there. =) basically, i guess they're just trashed to bits. this is where they'll go off trying to play it cool and prolly find some dumb ass to reinflate their bitterly battered ego. just another vicious cycle in life. ahh... life.

i just read what i wrote and it makes me sound like i'm some kinda bully getting pleasure from other ppl's discomforts. haha. ya it does. putting ppl down to push urself up. oh well, whatever lar. like i give a shit. but honestly these ppl deserve it. cockers.

anyways, moving on... insulting other ppl i.e; friends is just so very fun. hey! u guys know i don't mean it! love ya guys! i guess the 'trick' to it is that u insult them with something that is obviously not true and rub it in. haha. good shit. put's a smile on my face anytime, anywhere. =)

haih... no time for more shit. gotta meet jo for our dose of a drug called foosball... and i'm late. gonna get screwed upside down and inside out. how nice. haha.

shit?

2004-11-08T23:57:00.001+08:00

well, i've finally gotten myself to put some of my well over due shit and crap in here. i guess i never really started cause i'm scared i'll prolly never stop once i've started... yes, i'm actually self admitted quite cheong hei and long winded once it comes to putting words down. i bet ppl close to me must have realised that stuff like my smses are indeed quite long... i think. whatever, i think i'm a person who gets pleasure in knowing and giving out details. i don't just wanna know what happened in the end... i dont really care actually, basically i just want the incee weenie bitsy details... that's the fun part man! just like the quote u taught me ji, God is in the Details. yeah it very well is. dont get me wrong that i'm so that much pat/bzbd (which i prolly am anyway) but when u have details ya, u can actually practically feel yourself then and there. it's like ur experiencing it yourself. in life, you cant go through everything yourself... first of all you cant be in everybody's shoe at one time, duh... and there's alot of thing's i think most ppl would rather not try literally... so i guess the next best thing is, rip it off sombody else lar... haha. prolly because of that i feel and think that i'm like really old and already has gone through alot of shit and "life"... i kinda sometimes feel i've gone through more shit than i really actually have... yeah, i'd like to think i'm admitting now to the world that i'm actually just bull shit... i dont really think the shit i've been through is very bad... if i could have survived it, i guess it's prolly not really "proper" bad shit is it? or is it actually about how the shit is supposed to be taken? or thrown back? or swallowed? it's quite a wonder sometimes... how do ppl actually rate how bad a piece of shit is anyway? like to some ppl ya, breaking a nail is really bad shit... and to some, they've been molested by their entire freakin' family! hmmm... sounds quite disturbing huh... but that's just life i guess. brain tired for now... thanks to alot of exercise for the past few days actually... ;p~ will continue some other time. hmmm... not as bad as i thought... as in cheong hei lar... *yawn*... *piak* (some saliva ejaculates to the screen) nites. =)