well well... what have we here.... ermmm... me and a pc in cheng wan's hse on the second day of christmas and/or boxing day... a beer by my side, usher's burn on my launchcast, finally got to loading the good shit from my pen drive onto my multiply account and ermmm... cheng wan snoring a feet or two away... aik! oh well better than being home alone again pratically trying to memorise each and every channel on astro. anyways, i just learnt a new word today... jiwang... totally had no farking idea what it meant cos cwan cant even come close to explaining what it means... all he gave me was this kesian cham-cham doe-eyed look and he though one of us taught him that haha. finally got lucas to do the explanation. ahem... here it is...
jiwang dot dot : nostalgic in a romantic way.
ohh... how sweet is that. instantly hooked onto it. could say very near to what i'm feeling right now. haih... a pretty good but bad feeling. not supposed to but dont care. unexpected but excited, not according to plan but dont give a shit... or at least trying not to... whatever... RoX JiWaNg!!!
been having lil self discovery thoughts going thru my head recently. cant help realising that i unconciously and unintentionally always put myself on the edge time and time again. why? why? why? constantly skips through my lil pea brain and cos it's so small it comes by more often. the question i mean. damn. i've got like lil debates going on thru my head which goes like " oh! u like thrills" or "u always need to be hanging on the edge of the cliff... it's ok! it's just u!" hmm... sounds almost coo-coo huh. yeah i prolly am. and these lil debates most of the time end up giving me reason to keep doing shit and that's prolly why my life has always been, is still and i think will always be... shit... unless maybe a miracle happens which i'm not sure whether i want it to or would let it happpen or not.
arrgh... currently my mind's overflowing with these footsteps of random thoughts which i cant say are good or bad. it honestly is just random... as in random, random. no particular meaning or direction. not an evil, nor holy thing. not for anyone, nor myself. not for the future, nor present, nor past. not for the better, nor worse. not for anything at all... i think. i think i think too much... correction : i know i think too much. i really cant help it. everything that goes on around me seems to be amplified from all angles. i think my problems is i think of too many reasons for a particular thing whether it's something someone said or something someone did... i tend to automatically think like why did the person say or do that. does it mean exactly as it goes? are there any other meanings to it? any signs of insincerity? then my mind starts coming up wit scenarios and situations to why it came to that. i try many times not to let it take over but sometimes i guess i'm not chilled enuff to handle it... for now, but i know i'll get over it one day... i guess it'll be when i realise there's a good enuff reason to or not to... or whateva...
ARGH! i think that's enuff for now from my black hole. my back's feeling a lil lighter already now haha. i know i prolly sound quite melancholic today but dont get me wrong. i'm think and know that i'm honestly a pretty happy person from the inside to out. i think i'm truly happier than alot of ppl i know and prolly dont know. haha. whatever.
i'll prolly get round to that some other time. adios. wan wan waking up liao and matt bugging us to pick him up to makan. YAY! nice song on now... abit overplayed but anyway, still good... "i dont mind spending everyday, out on the corner in the pouring rain... " yeah...
last call, usher's burn to a certain someone out there.
and also hopefully for someone else to another too. =)
dont bother trying to figure haha.